Crying over spilled milk
Idioms and prayers #2
My thoughts…
I think of this saying every time I spill ANYTHING! I’m a spiller… too busy talking or making to take notice of what’s immediately in front of me.
The Milk Spills
I’m imagining a milkmaid in the 17th century, sitting on a stool in the barn in the pre-dawn darkness.
Milking the cow means sustenance for her family. There’s hope in her heart as she works. It’s not just a nutritional drink, the milk is a liquid asset. She can trade it for eggs or flour or maybe even some meat or possibly she can earn some coin.
And then the cow kicks back and the pail tips over… and the milk is spilled… and the tears start falling….
She tries to tell herself not to worry. Tomorrow the cow will need to be milked again - there will be another chance in this repetitive cycle, but still the tears fall.
The Enormity of Loss
The enormity of her emotional response isn’t for the milk itself. Hope is replaced by fear and a sense of loss. Any benefits this milk was going to bring - they’re gone now. It’s more than wasted time, she’s lost trade and income. The energy she spent and the dreams she’d spun as she worked are now a murky puddle seeping into the dirt floor.
Starting an inspirational saying with the word, “Don’t” doesn’t feel like inspirational… and when BIG stuff happens, this saying belittles all of the emotional feelings that are good and healthy. Having just come through a time of grief and loss myself, I can’t imagine saying “Don’t cry over spilled milk” in the face of life altering events! There’s nothing wrong with a good cry - far from it - a good cry is healthy and necessary to process grief, loss, anger, fear and loneliness. “Do Grieve!” is going to “clean the floor” better than “Don’t Cry!”
The Daily Grind
I wonder if this saying is really about the smaller stuff that happens in daily life. The little mistakes we encounter in the grind of getting through the day. Something goes wrong. We forget to pick up something for dinner. We miss the bus. We burn the toast. We can’t change it. Stuff happens. It’s not great. But instead of using our energy fretting we can pick ourselves up and carry on.
Being a Jesus follower, we have access to more we can lean on here in our understanding of what to do when stuff happens. Forgiveness & grace. When we turn to God we receive love and support, even if we can’t undo what has just happened!
Pick Up Your Mat
I love the story of the man Jesus healed on the Sabbath, beside the pool at Bethesda. Jesus told him, “Pick up your mat and walk”. The man was stuck for 38 years. There were so many missed opportunities of getting into the water. How many “Don’t cry over spilled milk” moments did he experience in that time?! Jesus’ command to pick up his mat is not a dismissal of his past. This “moving on” moment shifts him from the paralysis of what was lost to the hope of a new reality. He is no longer stuck lying on his mat on the ground. By picking up his mat, he carries his past with him, but the “spilled milk” has no power to hold him down.
Like this man, moving on doesn’t “un-spill” the milk. Instead we also carry our past with us, our experiences shaping our future selves. We’re no longer paralysed by the past.
Grace in Motion
Jesus was the healer, but the man who picked up his mat showcased God’s grace to the world. When things are going wrong for us, we can turn to God to help us with the heavy lifting.
So, how do we move from a puddle of spilled milk to finding God’s grace? This week’s prayer invites us to turn to God…
Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk
Meaning
There’s no point feeling sorry or sad about something that has already happened and can’t be undone
Prayer
Fill a jug with a milky liquid made from water and cornflour. It’s easier to clean up than spilling milk! Have a plastic basin or bowl and ‘spill’ some ‘milk’ into the bowl. Think about the events of the last few days and focus on something that went wrong but can’t be undone.
In a few simple words voice your thoughts to God.
For the big stuff…
Begin your prayer with the words - God I can’t undo what’s done and today I am crying over spilled milk…
Talk to God about your grief and your loss. Pour out your heart and tears. Invite God to help you process your emotions and give you strength
For the small stuff
Begin your prayer with the words - God I can’t undo what’s done and I don’t want to cry over spilled milk…
If you need to make amends - Talk to God about finding forgiveness, grace and support for making amends to others if your actions had an impact on other people
If you’re feeling generally out of sorts, worried or stressed - Ask God to come alongside you and help you move on.
If you’re using this prayer in a group setting
Lay out sheets around your meeting area to protect the floor and create a non-slip surface. Set up stations with wash bowls and jugs of ‘milk’ for participants to move towards and pray as part of your worship gathering
What 'spilled milk' are you holding onto today? Is it time to cry, or is it time to pick up the mat? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments or hit reply to this post and email me. I will reply to all emails… even if it takes me a few days to get back to you!
Powerful statement that there is no point feeling sorry or sad about something that has already happenned and cant be undone.
Thank you Caroline, I certainly identify with your words and your prayer suggestions. Too many times I have wasted valuable moments wishing I could undo "spilled milk things", talking to God immeasurably helps me to: make things right, and to move on. Although not everyone accepts apologies and grants forgiveness, there is not much more one can do. I have had experience of this reaction, unsuprisingly it sticks more in my mind than when the grace of forgiveness is received.
Our relationship with God is what we should value and treasure. Your words are inspirational to me, thank you, once again. Margaret